A letter to the human that asked me to buy them a croissant

20.09.2018, around 10:00 am in Soho, London

Dear human that asked me for a croissant at Gail’s in Soho,

today you stood outside my go-to fairly priced scrambled eggs place in London, while it was drizzling.  In your hands you were cradling a paper cup and sipped slowly on the steaming contents, you had on black jeans, a sleek black windbreaker and black sneakers.

I had noticed you from afar as you had the same built like several people that I had been in love with in the past, tall and wiry, you had a small afro and your black skin was unblemished and youthful. Just as I was entering the bakery you stopped me and stuttered.

“Please, buy me a croissant, please I want to eat, you buy it I don’t want money just a croissant to eat.” 

My system 2 was not working but my system 1 already had an answer ready “Sorry, I can’t.” 

Yet, the moment that I had entered the bakery, my mind had already made the conscious decision that I would be buying a croissant for you, there was no doubt about it. I was third in line and I kept on looking out to your wiry body that was rocking gently back and forth, to the whistling of the wind. When it was my turn I ordered a takeaway croissant, I turned around to hand it to you but you were gone. I went outside and looked down the road but you were nowhere in sight.

I walked back in and gave the croissant back and sat down.

I think that situations like this are common we say things that we do not actually mean without thought when in truth we do other things. What we say initially does not always equate to what we end up doing. I am sorry that I said “No” when I meant to say“Yes, of course.” The thing is that these initial unthought through blurted words have consequences.

Today, you showed me that in the end, it is actions that matter most, in the end, it is those things that we didn’t say but that thing that we did that count. I am sorry if my rushed “No” hurt you, it has nothing to do with you and more of something to do with me as I tend to avoid conversation with fellow humans that I have not planned to interact with, it is just part of my programming. I will do better in the future and I hope that you found someone that bought you something to eat and that did not hesitate in words but was ready with action. 

Best,

Esther